Let’s talk about power.
Today’s society, supposedly increasingly non-patriarchal, has both men and women in positions of power and leverage. Yet, there is an increasing sense of awareness that the ‘woman can have it all’ belief is an illusion. (Please refer to the slew of recently published TODAY social commentary pieces on this issue.) More so, the various labels women define themselves by today seem multiple and contradictory, binding us in a wholly fragmentary, undermining way.
Women reading intensely romantic BDSM themed novels as a mainstream phenomenon could be a cultural representation of their latent need to romanticise the emotional bondage they inherently suffer, tied to the multiple yet contradictory roles enforced on them by current social contextual demands, ironically manifested through the people closest to them.
We seem to want to be drawn to someone for no reason, drawn in a way we forget our modern day sensibilities and succumb to our baser urges, to defer completely to someone till we lose ourselves in the ‘us’ and the ‘we’ and have no ‘me’.
Perhaps this need is an instinctive reflex to counter the socially ingrained overcompensation of the past few decades based on lofty feminist ideals to become the ‘independent and emotionally sustainable woman’. Perhaps, true equality between men and women involves understanding that this is impossible in terms of human nature itself. We are all connected, interdependent and emotionally vulnerable on a variety of levels. We keep refusing to acknowledge this fact because we have come to believe this would lead to a loss of control and power over those we are connected to. This is far from the case.
Men are not invulnerable, not even when they were at their chauvinistic peak – just watch an episode of ‘Mad Men’. It is no longer the case of which will be the more powerful gender. This preoccupation that there is a shift in power from men to women with regards to their place in society is obviously an error. Power is not static – it shifts constantly, mutates into various forms in varying situations. Control moves along with it. It is not as direct and unilateral as everyone would like to think. Power relations are a lot more fluid and flexible and more people need to understand this.
We most often associate power with job title, material wealth, physical appearance and even, academic qualifications. The most annoying thing about today’s culture is that it propagates this belief – more often than not, the male protagonist in books and movies is viewed as the embodiment of masculine power only because he has the looks and the money and the tailored suit.
We often forget that power has more to do with the intangibles – upbringing, vastness of mind, benevolence of heart, a certain raw form of energy that radiates from within and seems to draw people close.
Perhaps understanding these indefinite origins of power will allow us to fully comprehend and develop functional relations of power and control between each other more effectively – not just with respect to men and women but between individuals in general.
Power relations can be found to be the most problematic aspect of intergenerational interaction, especially within families. This is particularly acute in our society where working adults live with their parents. These children who are now contributing to the household income want to be recognised as equals but are met with resistance by parents who believe in the inflexible nature of power and authority in a household. This can breed tremendous tension.
Perhaps it is time for us to throw down the gauntlet and face our fluctuating roles in our various social relations with each other in the context of our times. Besides, it all boils down to a quintessential fact – one day your employee could be your boss and you do not want to get fired because you told him or her to make your coffee strong and black.
Reena Devi
The Social Swami 